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An online diary of someone who tends to forget easily.

Three Types of Single

Ladies, Which of the Three Types of Single Are You?
Written by Rachel Russo

Let me guess, if you had a dime for every time a random guy asked "Why is a pretty girl like you single?" you could buy yourself a lot more than a Happy Meal. Indeed, there are typically a plethora of explanations women could offer these poor saps who are just trying to make friendly conversation...or well, you know. (Perhaps, "because of guys like you," is a response that enters more than a few minds!)

In my experience, as a Marriage &Family Therapist, Matchmaker, and Dating Coach, the way most single ladies think about their marital status has a lot to do with the culture in which they live. According to the latest report from the Census Bureau, the age in which Americans get married is at an all time high. There is much evidence of young people who are embracing their singlehood and using it as a time to cultivate their interests, travel, live the big city life, and "hookup" in ways that would make their parents blush.

If you look within your own circle, you may find some single ladies who seem to be epitomizing the ideals of Oscar Wilde, who famously regarded loving oneself as "the beginning of a lifelong romance".

However, it may be just as easy to spot your female friends who experience anxiety and frustration about the challenges of being single.

Most single women tend to fall in some variation of the following three categories:


1. The-because-I-haven't-met-the-right-person-and-I-desperately-want-to single: She has a profile on Match, Jdate, and eHarmony. She's tried speed dating and could name every self-help book on the best-seller list in the past decade- in three minutes flat. Blogs with titles like "How To Find True Love" are a frequent complement to her morning coffee.

2. The-because-I'm-doing-me-and-don't-care-about-men-single: Say hello to the girl doing consecutive lemon drop shots at the bar, using fake names at the club, and keeping lists of the boys of her "summer rotation". Or perhaps, she has been there and done that and is now focusing on her career, backpacking through Europe, or reaping the benefits of not shaving her legs for weeks. (Okay, months.)

3. The-because-I-have-someone-to-distract-me-in-the-meantime-single: She's the one who still routinely checks her ex's Facebook status or is in a full out battle to win over the bad boy from college who can't even commit to a cell phone plan. She doesn't really feel single, because one random guy or another is constantly in her thoughts and sometimes in her bed. Booty calls, friends with benefits, and one-date-wonders may be the norm. Mostly, she agrees with whoever said she might as well have fun with Mr. Wrong and/or Mr. Right Now until Mr. Right comes along.

Do you know where you fall along the continuum of single? How did you get there? Do you flow in and out of all three stages of single? Did your friends and co-workers play a role by treating your singlehood as a disease that they must cure?

How many times did they tell you to get back on that horse after your recent breakup? Maybe you absorbed those Beyonce lyrics like a sponge and became injected with girl power. How clearly do you hear society's message that you don't really need a man?Knowledge is power.

Find out the reasons behind your S-card. If you don't know how, by all means, ask for help!

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