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An online diary of someone who tends to forget easily.

Should I STOP or GO?

 I'm so busy downloading songs and writing my entry tonight for my blog when my crazy computer suddenly shut down and automatically restarted. FUCK! Yes that's what I said. I'm so pissed because my PC is in Deep Freeze mode so everything I did before it restarted were all removed. Songs I downloaded were not saved, my composition for my blog was not also recovered so I have to write it again. -_-

Oh well, what I want to write about tonight is CONFUSION. Yes, I'm a confused woman again in a situation I'm in right now. As I have mentioned in my previous post, I like someone right now. A not so physically attractive and tall man but someone who caught my attention because of his admirable personality..sense of humor.. and for being so simple yet admirable. We're getting closer and closer as we continue to get to know each other by texting...and it starts to confuse me if I'm doing the right thing. I tried to distance myself just to avoid feeling something more than a crush. I don't want to get used to it. I'm just so
scared of what might happen if I continue to be in this kind of situation. I don't want to be controlled by my emotion. I want to control it as much as possible.

I even asked for a sign if I should STOP or GO and the result is to STOP. Being so stubborn, I didn't follow the sign. I'm just so happy when I talk to him. I smile and laugh a lot and I can't stop myself from communicating with him. I still plan to try to distance myself from him little by little. I don't want to be noticed that I suddenly want to avoid him whatsoever.

I've been through 3 failed relationships. All of them started in texting, then we've gotten closer, courtship began, we fall in love, got in a relationship, and then at the end, I was left, broken hearted. It's hard to trust again. I thought my experiences made me a better and wiser me. Well, maybe it did, but somehow I really find it hard to decide whether to stop or continue being like this. I want to give it a try but I'm just so scared.

I'm so confused right now. I'm thinking too much about it. I like him and he is one of those people that makes me laugh a lot these days. He makes me happy.

He once said he's happy when he's texting, chatting, and talking to me. I think he likes me..but there are times that I'm telling him things that will make him not say how he feels for me. I don't know. I'm just scared, confused, but I'm happy.

I think I need more time to think about it. Whatever friendship we have right now, I want to enjoy it. What comes after that...I think that's something I need to think of. I have a bad habit of thinking too much. Sometimes I hate this habit...but I know it is better than not thinking carefully about some things and letting your heart to rule over your head. I've done that before and I got hurt. This time, I need to use BOTH.

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