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An online diary of someone who tends to forget easily.

3 years ago...


Hello there! It's been a while since my last post that I personally written. The first month of my 2012 is quite busy especially at work. I've been updating some documents and testing unendlessly! Haha! I wonder if I use the right term - unendlessly? Haha! 


Anyway, I just want to share what I feel today. Last night it rained quite heavily in our place and as I wake up this morning I felt that feeling after the rain. It's cold and it somehow reminds of my life when I'm still alone..single. I love rain. I remember a lot of memories when it rain, from childhood until now that I'm already 24. I love the feeling..but I also remember how sad I've been for 3 years. 


3 years.. 3 years of being Single. I focused on loving and understanding myself, spending time with my family and friends, writing my stories on my blog because I don't want to share to anyone that might judge instead of understanding me, and I just enjoyed it to make sure that I won't miss being Single once I decided to be in a relationship again.



During those times, I did things to prove that I don't need someone just so I can do them. I convinced myself that I can survive alone. I don't need a love life to make me complete or to make me happy. I'm happy. I love being Single. But I'm not 100% sure if I'm correct. These are just some of the things I tried to make myself to believe. I wasn't happy all the time. There are times when I felt loneliness, sadness, and desperation. I sometimes feel that I want to date someone or to have a relationship that's not so serious.. I even thought of trying to wait for someone who is already in a relationship. At times I felt stupid and desperate. I felt so lonely. I tried to be independent but it wasn't easy. I kept my problems to myself and wrote some of them on my blog. I cried when no one's awake so I won't make them feel sad as well. I always talk to God. I felt lonely. I wanted to share my thoughts, my feelings, but to whom? I don't want to look pitiful but I pity myself that time. I was so emotional. I wanted to try again but I'm soooooooo scared.


That was me... 3 years ago. Last year my life changed because of someone. Someone that I used to like without him knowing. The reason why I'm excited to wake up and go to work. The reason why I've been laughing so loud so he will notice me. Someone that I see everyday. Someone who used to be just a CRUSH. Someone who noticed my existence when I'm about to give up on him. Someone that I almost lost when I got scared of what's happening between us. Someone that I really really like since 2010. I don't know what else to say about that someone. In short, he's my special someone. Hahaha! He's my topic on my next blog post. :)

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