An online diary of someone who tends to forget easily.

Perfect Lover?

Is there someone that you can really describe as 'Perfect Lover'? I, myself admit that I have flaws that sometimes can be so irritable. Being in 3 failed relationships, I've been very careful in choosing someone that I'll love again. Then last year unexpectedly (unexpected because I didn't really planned for it) I fell in love with someone. We are together now for almost 6 months. I love him so much. I want to be a better lover for him. I'm trying not to repeat the mistakes that I did from the past. I'm trying not to make a big deal out of simple things that comes in our relationship. We promise not to let anything or anyone to ruin what we have right now. I want to live for the rest of my life with him. I can clearly see our future together. We have plans and I know sooner or later we will be able to achieve them.

But there are times when I can't control my emotions. As I've already mentioned on my previous posts I can be so MOODY sometimes. I easily get mad though maybe for some my reasons are so simple and I should not make a big deal out of it. And when I'm mad I can be so SENSITIVE as well. So if you're gonna say things to me, you better think about them first. I don't like the feeling when I'm mad at him. I usually ask him to give me some time. I don't communicate with him for awhile not because of my pride...I just need time to think why did I get mad? whose fault is it? If I tell him that everything's okay I wonder if it's really okay, or I'm just saying it so he won't feel bad anymore?

I'm proud to say that most of the times I can shift my bad mood in a good one by talking to some topics that are not related to what made me mad, then when I feel better, we will start talking about what happened.

I'm trying so hard to be a better me...not only for myself but most especially for him. I often cry when I'm mad at him. It feels like I haven't changed a bit if you'll compare the Ghee who had her heart broken for so many times partly because of her immaturity, lack of patience, lack of understanding, etc. I'm afraid that I'm still the same stupid me. I don't know if he knows but I'm trying to be understand, patient, mature, open-minded, etc. But I can't always be like that. I can be so crazy sometimes, moody, immature, selfish, etc. I can never be the 'perfect lover'. I just hope that he won't give up no matter how hard it is to be with me. 

There's a lot about me that I don't like, that's why I'm trying to get rid off them...but I can't. All I can do is to properly deal with them as they come. As I posted before, I want to let him know that just because I'm mad or I fight with him doesn't mean I love him any less. I might not be able to say it a lot when I'm in a bad mood, but deep in my heart I know and I feel that I love him so much. I love him so much and I'm so afraid to lose someone like him. I apologize that I can never be a 'Perfect Lover', but I'm trying to be a 'Good' one, though we both know that I'm his 'Sassy, Moody, and Witch Girl Friend' and I love it like that. Haha! :)

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