An online diary of someone who tends to forget easily.

Q&A: Negative...

Q: Why did you decided to bring back the style of your tabulas blog to your blogger account?
A: My head hurts especially when I'm thinking too much.. I want to share it in this blog. I'd rather share it here than share it to anyone who might not understand.

Q: What do you want to share today?
A: About my life.. my love life..

Q: What do you want to share about your love life?
A: I want to share that I'm such a pain in the ass. Haha! I feel that I'm always the bad guy in our relationship, which is TRUE. :)

Q: What makes you think that you are the bad guy in your relationship?
A: Simple. Because I'm the one who always start a fight. :)

Q: Why do you always start a fight with your partner?
A: Because I'm a crazy bitch. Haha!

Q: What are some of the reasons why you fight?
A: Most of the time it's because I miss him so much and I feel I'm not being given much attention like before. I don't like changes when it comes to my habits. Do you understand what I mean? It's like I'm used to this thing and then suddenly there's a change and it's difficult to adjust, but I know I can adapt to the change.

Q: What exactly do you mean? Be more specific.
A: I'm used to spending my Saturday with him. We used to date a lot every weekend. But that changed when we decided to save money because we are going to achieve our next career goal and it's not practical to always go out. Hmm, another reason is because we want to have time with our family and friends. 

Q: If you agreed to be like that, how come you fight over this?
A: Because sometimes it's like I feel that I'm the least priority. I know I'm wrong, this is just all because of my negative thinking. I don't know if I should be writing about this, especially now that some of my friends are sometimes reading my blog. Hehe. But I need to write about it! I'm not asking for him to always text me. I just hope he makes sure I get enough attention. 

Q: Do you think it's right to think and act like you do?
A: I know I'm wrong. I'm immature. I think too much. I'm such a moody person. I get upset over simple things. I'm bad, okay? I know. I get it. :)

Q: Did you fight with him? 
A: Yes. It's the same reason. He will sometimes communicate when he's done with everything he did.. and sometimes when he's free, I'm not. I maybe sleepy and I might be busy doing something. I tried to understand and to change the way I think about it, but I can't stop myself from being mad sometimes.

Q: Are you always gonna be like this?
A: I don't know. I don't want to. 

Q: So what do you want to do now?
A: Maybe I need to become busy every weekend or every time I feel like I'm about to be in a bad mood. I need to get used to not being talk to every second of the day. I need to think and do something that will not make me think about negative thoughts. This is why I used to hate being in a relationship!

Q: Why? What do you hate?
A: I hate myself. Because when I used to doing something it's hard to adjust when it changes! Years ago, I'm happy because all I think about is myself, my family and friends. I use my phone as a music player. I don't wait for anyone to text me or to reply to my messages. I don't get mad because someone's busy and I feel like I'm not being given enough attention. I don't cry because I had a fight with someone. I used to live that way. Less stress. The only reason that I cry is because I'm lonely. Haha! 

Q: Do you regret being in a relationship?
A: No I don't.. I just miss being Single whenever I'm sad. But just because I miss my life years ago doesn't mean I want to have it back now. I love how being in a relationship makes me want to live happily. You know what I mean? There are so many good things it gave me. The best thing is I now have my BFF who patiently put up with my craziness.

Q: Do you want to break up with your partner?
A: Sometimes I want to tell him that, especially when I'm really upset. Sometimes I just want to quit. 

Q: Why not do it? Tell him. Quit.
A: I can do that. But I don't want to. I used to do that before because I always believe that there will always be someone better than the person I am with. If he can't love and stay with me because of my bad habits, then maybe someone else can do that for me. I used to think that I'm still young and there are a lot of fishes in the ocean. Haha!

Q: What about now?
A: I know I can live without him. We both can live without each other. But I know our life will never be the same if that happens. I used to think of break-up before everytime my partner and I are fighting. But it's different now. I don't want to quit because of my craziness. Haha! I don't want to lose him. He's someone I really don't want to lose. He's someone I want to be with forever. He's someone who can deal with my bad habits.

Q: Do you think he won't let you go? He won't give up like the others?
A: He said he won't. But let's be realistic, if I continue to be like this, I know sooner or later he might get tired. I know there's a possibility he will give up. It's not easy to be my boyfriend. Haha! I even want to ask my exes how is it like to be my boyfriend.. I mean.. how am I as a girlfriend. 

Q: Why do you want to ask that?
A: I want to know what are the things they don't like about me. But I know it's stupid because I already know the answers to my question. I know I don't need to ask them because I can ask my Gyun-Wo anytime.

Q: Do you think you've changed compared to how you are as a girlfriend years ago with your exes?
A: Yes. I've changed. But I can't always be the 'good and understanding girlfriend'.. most of the times I'm the 'bad-immature-negative thinker'. :)

Q: Do you know that he might read this and get mad for some things you shared in this post?
A: I know. The thing is maybe I'm just so scared that someday he won't need me in his life anymore because there are a lot of people who makes him happy. (Negative thoughts again!)

Q: Do you think you will lose him?
A: If I continue to be a bitch, someday maybe I will lose him. Moving on after the breakup. I've been there many times before. At first it is difficult but I know I'll definitely get over it. It's something I don't want to do anymore. I'm tired of being left alone, crying, people telling me how unlucky in love I am, people judging me, moving on, being Single, being alone... But I should also take care of it if I don't want to lose it, right?

Q: Why do you always have negative thoughts?
A: It is good to be a positive thinker, but I sometimes think too much that it leads to negative thinking. Hehe!

Q: How do you want to end this post?
A: Hmm.. I guess this is the last question. Haha! I have to start working. I wrote this to share what's on my mind since last night. I wasn't able to sleep early because of these thoughts! So there you go, my first Q&A blog post. 

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