An online diary of someone who tends to forget easily.

HE gave me you instead...

"Sometimes God doesn't give us what we want.." - I really agree in quote that I always see everywhere. I see it in Facebook posts, someone's tweet in Twitter, or even in quotation websites that I sometimes check when I'm looking for an inspiring quote that I can share with everyone in Facebook and Twitter.. now I'm sharing it in Blogger.

Let me write about how I proved that this quote is true. I'll tell you something about my favorite topic to blog about. Yes, this quote has something to do with my love life. Hehe!

Since I was a kid I was known to be someone that enjoys watching various TV shows or movies, read books, and listen to different kind of stories especially if they have a very interesting love story. At a very young age I already experienced how is it like to admire someone. Someone who likes me as well. Someone that really know how to show he cares for his special someone. I'm talking about my childhood sweetheart. The boy who I liked for over 4 years! The one who I always talk about with my cousin and my sister. The topic of my diary. Someone I thought I'll like forever. He's someone who taught me how to like someone, how it feels like to be admired, and how bad it is when you're hurt by the same person who showed you so much kindness. He's someone that I'll forever remember because he's a very good memory to keep.. though sometimes I can't really remember everything that happened in the past.

After experiencing my very first heartbreak when I was just an elementary student, and as I continue living, I realized that it's a cycle. You will meet a stranger, get to know each other, like each other, fight with him/her, breakup, and then you go back to how it started, you're back to being strangers. I got used to that cycle for years. From one heartbreak to the next. I've been heart broken for several times. I've dealt with breaking up until I learned how to move on. It wasn't easy but it's doable.

Then as you may already know, if you're reading my blog, I mentioned that after my failed relationships I've been single for almost 3 years. I had a great life in those 3 years. As I enjoy life without a special someone I learned to be independent, to spend a lot of time with my family, friends, relatives. I often go out to shop and eat in a mall or somewhere with my mom and sister. Though it was fun there are also times when I felt so lonely that I wanted to have a boyfriend as soon as possible. Haha!

I also asked God to send me someone that I really deserve and someone that won't let go of me no matter how hard it is to be with me. I wanted to have someone who is a very loving person. Someone who is always showing how much he loves me in his own ways. I also like being hugged sometimes but I want to be always hugged and kissed in the morning to wake me up and at night before we sleep and to tell me that he loves me so much. I want to have that someone who will stare at some girls who are better than me but will eventually tell me that I'm better than them just to stop me from transforming from a normal me to a green eyed monster. I want someone who will hold my hand while walking. Someone who will sometimes surprisingly kiss me on my cheek or forehead in public and laugh. Someone who will do everything he can do to make me feel loved. These are just some of the simple things I want  him to do. I think most of these only happens in movies. 

Then here comes GW. He did not have everything that I looked for in a man. He's not really someone that I asked God to give me. I did not get everything that I asked to have. But guess what? Despite that I believe and I'm so grateful that HE gave me someone that really love me. Someone who will not let go no matter how bitchy, moody, impatient, and sensitive, I can be most of the times. He's not very expressive by doing what I just mentioned in the previous paragraph. On the other hand, I think I became more showy on how I love him when we started being together here in a different country. I always hug him. I love hugging him. You know why? I love his smell. I love how great the feeling is when I'm hugging him. It feels like home. Hehe! I don't know how to properly describe it but when something is bothering me or something makes me feel sad and when I don't want to tell it to him, what I do is just hug him to comfort myself. Hehe! I also hug him and sometimes whisper 'I love you', I don't know if he can hear it but it's okay. 

Sometimes to make him feel loved I do things like hugging him or holding his hands, he's not very good at that. He's very patient and understanding with my imperfections, I'm very impatient and childish. I think we complement each other. 

We all have our imperfections. It's normal for couples to fight. Some may want to breakup because of a very simple problem. Some may want to work it out no matter how difficult it is. Some may get tired of fighting. Some may fight to save the relationship despite of constant fighting over shallow things. For our relationship I hope we are strong enough to overcome everything that will challenge us as couple. I hope he won't let go. I hope he'll continue to teach me how to hold on when I'm beginning to let go. I hope we'll survive everything together. Sometimes it can be so tiring and frustrating especially when I'm upset, but I can't entertain the thought of losing him and sacrificing our relationship, our experiences together because of a simple fight. I love how he make me understand when I can't understand some things that makes me feel bad. I love that he hugs me when I'm upset and crying while I'm complaining. I love how he makes me feel loved. 

In the end, God didn't gave me everything I want in a man, but he gave me someone who can offer more than what I wanted. Someone I need. Someone I deserve. Someone who loves me so much. Someone I can't lose. HE gave me better than what I asked for.. and for that I'm so grateful and I feel so blessed.

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